Holiday Humble

This has been a particularly financially lacking Holiday Season for me.  Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years are some of the most difficult times of the year for me to stay sober.  Lots of parties where friends like to drink, family stress and drama, and the cozy memories of the drunken eggnog and making out in the name of the holiday spirit--with people we hardly know.  But now through recovery, the holidays look quite different.  Family gatherings are less stressful, and I don't have to be a part of the drama.  Friendly parties don't pressure me to drink, because they respect that I don't.  I no longer attend the parties with lots of kissing or "more"...so less danger of breaking my sobriety in that arena.  Now, because of my finances, I have been a little down because I didn't have a lot of gifts to give...but I still feel at peace.  I have been present--psychologically to give the gift of listening and participating in the lives of all the people I care about.  That may be the best gift I can give anyone right now.  I'm grateful that God, my higher power, has blessed me with a new outlook on life that I can share with others for free!

When the stress is too much...

Right now I don't feel my encouraging self. But, how can I expect to be happy all the time? I guess the ups and downs are bound to come...and usually at the most inopportune times!
After vacation, a retreat, and then Halloween, my body is crashing from all the great moments. So now, when I feel low, I'm going to remember the great times I've had recently: new friends, relaxing fun, adventurous socials...and I remember this is just my break in between the wonderful moments: and that makes this moment just a little sweeter!
Peace to you!

Back in the Saddle Again

I'm back to my blogging after a few months of "blogging vacation".  This time was not necessary, or was it?  Sometimes we beat ourselves up for taking a break from our journaling, step work, or other obligations.  Learning from this recovery absence is important.  Was I working on my health, my recovery...was I cultivating friendships, improving my finances: or was I engaging in my addiction?  Of course we want to STOP using--in whatever form our addiction takes...and sometimes a change in our routine can help us see signs of a relapse...can help us conenctrate on specific triggers...and help us cultivate our recovery.  After this brief vacation, we can return to Helpful stepwork, meeting with our sponsor, attending meetings, journaling..and all things that will help bolster our recovery.

Peace to you All.

Think it, Live it, Become it...

So often we say "I wish my life could just be better...when am I going to experience the promises we read in these groups?"
Think it

Live it

Become it...

And then we will have experienced the promises, our lives will be better. We continue to examine the degree of Better, so we are moving in the right direction.

It has been a while since my last share...

How often have you said that phrase?  I'm still a "newborn" in the program of recovery, having only 6 months of time spent in the program.  I'm still learning about the ups and downs, ins and outs...and the effort that is required to stay focussed on a program of recovery.  I have taken time away from meetings, been sleeping later, and neglecting these blogs...and of course, during this time I also had to restart my sobriety date.
I continue to be observant of my life.  Now I can see how even a slight form of isolating can mean disaster for my recovery...So I get back on the horse and start again.  Hopefully I can simply learn from these events...about how it was sneaky, and not intentional to neglect my recovery.  I always felt like saying "I should've done this"--is like throwing a punch at my own face.  I don't want to abuse myself.  The addict inside of me is abuse enough.  I have learned over time that No One will give me the nurturing love that Only I can give myself---the love and kindness that is given to us by our Higher Power.  I don't really have a life that was void of Loving people.  But, I have seen many people that were never shown the love they deserve, the kindness and consideration of another gentle soul.  To them I have said, "we must learn to stop the cycle of abuse witnessed in our lives, and learn to show love to ourselves, in this way we are able to show love to others and better live a life of recovery which is fulfilling."
Think of the story of the Good Samaritan:

Luke 10: Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead.³¹A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. ³²So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. ³³But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. ³⁴He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. ³⁵The next day he took out two silver coins^[e] and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'

 ³⁶"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?"

 ³⁷The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him."
      Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise."

Within this same chapter is the Golden Rule "love thy neighbor as thyself"....Jesus was giving this parable story to explain "who our neighbor is..."
Now, Stretch your imagination---  If you are supposed to be this kind to a stranger, your neighbor, then you should also be this kind and loving to yourself.  Be gentle and nurturing to your mind and your body, taking care to heal your wounds.  Learn from any past mistakes and make any adjustments you may need, but do not abuse your mind or your spirit with negativity...and also do not pass by like the Priest or Levite in the story: this would be like leaving yourself in the gutter and giving up on life.
Take a moment to say something nice about yourself.  Then take a moment and be grateful for any person that has been a good samaritan to you in the past.

Look outside the box, Live outside the box

We have all heard many times "You have to look outside the box..." in order to find a creative answer. Sometimes, finding a creative answer for living sober is also "outside the box." In SAA, persons in recovery use the Circles tool. With and Inner Circle of activities which constitute a restart of sobriety date, a Middle Circle which is considered the danger zone prior to the inner circle behaviors, and the Outer Circle which is comprised of wholesome activities which encourage healthy living (mental, physical, and emotional health).
We don't always have to envision these as being circles...what if we imagine that they are boxes? For way to long, we have stuffed ourself into the inner box (imagine 3 boxes, each one fitting inside the other). That inner box is isolated, keeping us away from our support structures. The Middle box is less isolated, but still seems to be separated from the outside world. Now imagine the 3rd box, which at first holds the other boxes in...it is supposed to represent our Outer Circle--the 3rd circle....and in your imagination, destroy this 3rd box. You are left with only 2 boxes...EVERYTHING outside of those two boxes is "Outer Circle". This imagery gives you the picture that by thinking Outside the Box...the Outer Circle...is everything that is healthy and good for you. The choices of healthy behaviors can be never ending and ever-expansive...indeed, everything outside the box. Now imagine that you don't live in a box at all, that is simply where you store those old, unwanted, unneeded behaviors and feelings. You can LIVE OUTSIDE THE BOX. Live in the realm of the Outer Circle; finding freedom, fun, health, and vitality among nurturing interaction with other human beings and your higher power.
Live Outside The Box.

I'm Yours: The Script... to slides of Serenity Prayer

Serenity Prayers on YouTube

Shoal Creek

 

Sometimes Its nice to share an Outer Circle moment.  Lately I have been increasing the time spent with my hobby of photography.

“May the river of life flow through you, around you, and with you…reminding you, that like water, you can’t hold on to the past, nor can you grasp the future…the water you feel, is only the water touching you in that very instant; then it moves away and the next molecule of H2O touches you…similar to the way we must live in the NOW, what is happening NOW is all there really is.  Do OUTER CIRCLE activities, and enjoy each NOW that you get.”

One phrase for today:

You don't have to hold on...just let go.

Living the Tools for Recovery: For Life

I don't always write this blog to reflect my group share...but today seemed a particularly good day for my sharing. Let this not be a stroke of my ego, but a reminder that I also return to this and read: especially on my bad days...when I don't feel like blogging, or working the steps...I return here to read my reminders. In the end, I only expect to use these tools myself, if someone else is helped by reading...just an added bonus for my 12th step: taking the message to others.

I strive during my recovery journey, to make the recovery process a lifelong commitment. Changing the way I think, the way I react, indeed...the way I LIVE. I first heard about the tools of recovery as a topic was being read at the meeting. And I simply looked at them as being tools you pick up when a job needs done: like a tool I should use to "fix my car"...but after listening more...I have come to realize that the TOOLS for recovery are the additions to make my life sane...Recovery will become a way of life...making the Tools: My tools for life and living. Much like brushing my teeth is a tool for hygene and the brush itself is a tool for accomplishing cleanliness: the tools of a meeting, or phone calls, or meditation: will become a part of my daily routines for the cleanliness of my "life"...helping to keep me sober.

Bowling with a Spin----falling in the gutter

I went bowling recently and as I observed the Great bowlers in the lanes next to mine...I began to notice this really fast spin they put on their balls. The Balls didn't always go the fastest down the lane, but they had this incredible spin which gave the path of the ball a wide curve. Sometimes the arc of the curve came so close to the gutter's edge... i just knew it was going to go in the gutter... but it would get very close..and then curve right back into the sweet spot of the pins: STRIKE!!!!
Occasionally, however, the large curve, and grand spin would get so close to the edge...that it goes right over...and Boom, gutter ball!!!... all that talent to create a great spin...but ending up so close to the edge means that disaster is just an inch away.
Those of us who are used to living a FAST life and also justify our addictive behavior: are really just skilled at putting an excellent "spin" on the reality of our situation. This "spin" creates an "arc" in our life that puts us so close to the edge of disaster...that we are bound to "act out" and land in the "gutter"...it would be inevitable.
So, returning to our bowling analogy, it is better, and safer for us to attempt at throwing a ball that goes right down the middle and hits the sweet spot, for the STRIKE: a successful day with no addictive acting out or "using"!!! Doing things, thinkin about things, obsessing on shame, going places that are triggers..can all be just like the Ball that gets too close to the gutter.  Stay "centered", stay "focussed"...and the temptation of the gutter will pass...we won't always hit the sweet spot..and knock all the pins down "having a day without any middle circle behaviors"...but with patience, dilligence, and the grace of our Higher Power...we will stay out of the gutter for this day, for this moment, for The Now.
So be careful about giving Spin... be honest and anchored in reality.

Peace is Every Step: War raging within us...

As I was looking at You Tube today (one place i look for inspiration to write these blog-articles), I came upon a trailer for a new Film: "Peace Is Every Step: Meditation in Action"...and in the trailer a man says "each of us has a War waging within our hearts."
This is powerful! Doesn't it underscore how we are Powerless over our addiction? Once a war starts in this physical realm, like Iraq...there is no winner! The war only begins to end when we can admit, we are powerless.
For us, as individuals, the war waging in our heart will always be lurking in the shadows, even after we have declared a Cease-Fire. For as soon as our tempting addiction object comes into view, an inner battle begins to brew.
Learn to be still. Learn to "do nothing" Practice meditation. Notice and Recognize the temptation...and let it stay just that...a temptation outside ourselves...that has no stronghold over us.
We have declared a cease-fire...and we are cultivating peace in our own hearts.

Addiction-12 Steps Life Learning Device

This seems like an advertisement---but it really hits home.

Change -- the "mother" of all stressers

Change has been a common weekly theme.  When a therapist gives you an inventory to find out the changes in your life...each change has a number on a scale...EVERY change has a number... that tells us that all the small changes add up to BIG numbers in the end... big numbers mean big change (BIG STRESS).. so the little things really do matter.  Learning to vent the small things, let things roll off your back if possible, and finding outlets that are positive-reinforcement, outer circle, healthy behaviors: are such important Tools towards recovery.

Change IS going to happen.  Have tools, use tools, stay sober.

Starting out: Help for Staying Sober In The Face of Temptation

I'm new to the program.  Which one? SAA...but you name it, we all need help staying sober, right?  Sometimes we are busy, can't go to enough meetings during the week, and may feel too afraid to make a phone call.  And sometimes, we are already on the computer---feeling tempted to engage in acting out on our addiction.  Let this be a spot where anyone can go for encouraging words, and leaving comments, questions, and concerns.  Let this be a forum for learning, understanding, and NO judgements.
Please note, that just because you leave a question: doesn't mean the RIGHT answer will always be posted...asking a question here, is much like asking a question in a meeting: you're simply going to get someone elses opinion, unless a reference is sited.
Please don't  post specifics about names, cities, drug of choice, actions, etc... The moderator reserves the right to edit out details which may be triggers for other readers.

Today's message is simple: remind yourself that you have great reasons to stay sober, by making it through today, tomorrow will be easier...the rewards for doing what is right for yourself is far greater than any outward reward.